home visit

Cheri, our adoption counselor, came to the house today. She has to make sure that we have a safe environment to bring a baby into. Everything seemed to check out ok, except that I need to bring home some fire extinguishers. Other than that, I think she was pleased. She gave us more questions to fill out. A lot of it is the same stuff we've already answered, but that was for her to do the home study. These are for our profile that the prosective birth parents will look at. We had to provide lots of pictures, too. She'll take all that once we finish our questions and put together a DVD or booklet, or maybe both (I can't remember what we decided, or if we have yet). Anyway, we're moving right along. We changed our preference today for gender to no preference. We'll just take whatever God wants us to have, just like when we were pregnant. We (really I) came to some sort of epiphany or something while talking to Geoff while we were in Virginia. I thought about the different relationships moms and dads have with each gender, and realized that I might be depriving Jolynn of having that mother-son relationship. I'm not ready to just say we only want a boy, but if that's what we're supposed to have, then we're open to that. It was just over 4 years ago that I never would have entertained the idea of having a child at all, until God placed it in my heart to want one. A lot of it, I think, was fear of not knowing what to do with a child and that I'd really mess it up somehow. But I've relied on God to help me be a good parent, and I guess I'm doing ok so far (I guess I'll find out as Bekah gets older). Part of my concern with having a boy is that I wouldn't be a good male role model, or that I won't be able to help with typical 'guy stuff', since I don't think I'm really a typical guy. (I'm probably as in touch with my feminine side as my masculine side.) Anyway, I've decided to just push through my fear and welcome the possibility of a son. If that's what God wants us to have, I know that He'll be there to guide me (as long as I let Him). He's been right there with me the whole time we've had Bekah, and I know that this wouldn't be any different. And Jolynn is really excited about the possibility of having a boy (or maybe she's relieved at the possibility of not having 2 daddy's girls). So please continue to pray for us as this process continues, and pray for God's will, whatever it may be, to be allowed to be done.

note: it was VERY difficult trying to capitalize this post-love you Quinnie!